The Secret to Living Limitless: Cultivating a Growth Mindset
- Amin Esmaily
- Aug 28, 2023
- 6 min read
Updated: Dec 11, 2023
As cliché as it may sound, to change our lives, we must start by changing our mindset. The simple fact is that if we don't believe that something different is possible for our lives, there is no chance that it will come to pass.
Our mindset is the way we think about ourselves, our abilities, our challenges, and our life circumstances. While our mindset is internal, it determines how we perceive and respond to our external environment. Thus, our mindset drives how we operate in the world. It can be a blessing that empowers us or a curse that limits us.
Those who possess a fixed mindset believe that their lives cannot be improved for the better. These individuals fail to recognize their full potential and thus, never reach it because they believe that their level of intelligence, talent, skills, traits, and behaviors are unchangeable. Often, those with a fixed mindset avoid challenges, give up easily, ignore feedback, and feel threatened by the success of others. They are convinced that success is solely based on luck or innate talent. They complain about their circumstances, think the odds are stacked against them, and wander through life letting their external world dictate their thoughts, feelings, and emotions. As such, these individuals may suffer from low self-esteem, anxiety, and depression.
For nearly two decades, I suffered off-and-on from a fixed mindset. More often than not, I felt that I got the short end of the stick in many aspects of my life and that I had to unfairly shoulder responsibilities that others around me did not. I felt that I was the victim to life's circumstances and complained relentlessly about my job, relationship status, and financial situation. I suffered immensely from depression, hopelessness, loneliness, and social anxiety. I pulled away from friends and isolated myself, which made matters worse.
On the contrary, those who have a growth mindset believe that their lives are not set in stone but rather, can be improved. They know that they can enhance their intelligence, talent, skills, traits, and behaviors by challenging themselves and learnings from their experiences. By embracing challenges, persisting in the face of obstacles, seeking feedback, and learning from their own experiences as well as from others, people with a growth mindset make exceptional strides in their life. In general, these individuals have high self-esteem, a great deal of confidence, healthy relationships, and a passion for learning and growth.
In the past few years, I have begun to make the shift from a fixed mindset to a growth mindset, albeit it has been far from easy. For those of us who have suffered from a fixed mindset through most of our lives, it can be challenging to make the shift as the fixed mindset has become our default mode. But the good news is that change is possible. We can shift from a fixed mindset to a growth mindset by becoming aware of our self-talk, changing the stories we tell ourselves, and interpreting our life experiences from a more positive perspective.
Here are some tips to help you make the shift from a fixed mindset to a growth mindset:
Adopt a meditation practice. I am a huge advocate of meditation because it has done wonders in bringing awareness to and stopping the momentum of my negative thoughts and self-talk. Personally, I find it most helpful to follow a guided mediation. There are plenty online to choose from and I am currently listening to those conducted by Gurudev Sri Sri Ravi Shankar on his YouTube page entitled Meditations By Gurudev. I try to perform 10-20 minutes of meditation when I wake up and again right before I go to bed but there are days when I'm not able to do it and that's okay. The key is to try and be as consistent as possible but not to beat yourself up if you miss a few days here and there. I will write a separate post soon about my own meditation philosophy and practice.
Replace negative self-talk with positive affirmations. The first step in really changing your mindset is becoming aware of your thoughts and self-talk. This is where mediation can be extremely impactful but most of us can't just meditate 24 hours a day. Intentionally paying attention to the vocabulary we use with ourselves can help us become aware of the pervasiveness of our negative self-talk. As I became more conscious of my negative self-talk (and it took a long time to do so), I began to catch myself in the midst of saying something negative, demoralizing, or demeaning. For example, if I would forget to perform a task like pick up an item while I was at the grocery store but then remember when I got home, I would commonly say to myself, "You're so stupid!" As I became conscious of this, I would catch myself mid-sentence and say, "You're so.... human. It happens. Oh well." This may sound silly but it really does work. I encourage you to be open to the idea of tracking how often you use these types of negative phrases in your self-talk. Then, come up with positive affirmations that work for you to replace those negative phrases. If you do this intentionally, you can drastically improve the way you talk to yourself.
Celebrate your efforts, not just your outcomes. Often, we are so focused on the outcome we want to achieve that we hold off on celebrating or feeling good about our efforts or progress until it is achieved. However, just as you probably experienced when you received your diploma or were promoted at work, the excitement only lasts for so long before we start focusing on other things we want to achieve. What if instead of celebrating the achievement, we celebrated our efforts along the way? Indeed, those with a growth mindset recognize and reward their progress and growth regardless of if or when they achieve their desired outcome. This way, instead of reinforcing the attainment of an outcome, they reinforce the effort they put in and progress they made along the way.
Seek feedback and learn from it. Let's face it, no one is born wanting to receive constructive feedback. But the reality is, none of us can know everything. Just as you have things in your life that you consider yourself a relative expert at, others do as well and they are more than likely different from yours. And just as you would likely give feedback to an apprentice or someone starting out in an area that you are an expert in so that they may improve, someone is more than likely willing to do the same for you. Thus, instead of avoiding feedback, ask for it. Instead of taking it personally, take it constructively. Instead of brushing it off, use it to improve yourself.
Surround yourself with positive and supportive people. It is said that you are the average of the 5 people you spend the most time with and I do believe this to be true. While we may not be aware of it, with each interaction, these individuals begin to rub off on us and we on them. It could be that we all wear similar clothes, use similar vocabulary, and yes, have similar views on one or more topics. So instead of hanging out with people who don't make us feel good about ourselves and/or perpetuate a negative outlook on life, we need to make a conscious effort to spend more time with people who genuinely care for our well-being, support us, and have a positive outlook on life. This also goes for what we choose to focus on and allow into our minds like movies, music, podcasts, news, etc. As an example, sad music, shows, and movies have a profoundly negative effect on my mood and emotions. For one reason or another, when I listen to or watch these types of media, they immediately affect my mood and I become very depressed for hours if not days. Knowing that about myself, I intentionally choose not to allow these inputs into my life and it has made a world of difference.
I want to be clear that the goal is not to have a growth mindset all the time. As human beings, we will undoubtedly slip into a fixed mindset occasionally. It’s normal to feel negative emotions like sadness, disappointment, frustration, discouragement, guilt, despair, or heartbreak. The key is to become fully aware when we feel these emotions and accept them as a normal part of our human experience but not let them linger for too long. By doing so, we cultivate resilience and program ourselves to have a growth mindset as our default mode with the occasional lapse into a fixed mindset as opposed to the other way around.
By shifting our mindset, we can transform our lives. We can unlock our potential and accomplish anything we set our minds to. We can be happier and more fulfilled. It all begins with making a conscious decision to be intentional with how we think about ourselves and our lives.
With gratitude,
Amin
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